Behaviour remains one of the most discussed aspects of education. Yet too often the debate becomes polarised: strict versus soft, sanctions versus nurture, compliance versus compassion.
In reality, school leaders are navigating increasingly complex challenges, with rising levels of anxiety, difficulties with emotional regulation, attendance concerns and a growing number of children and young people requiring additional support.
Against this backdrop, the question is not simply how schools manage behaviour, but how they create the conditions in which children and young people can thrive.
Across Big Education schools, we share a belief that high expectations and strong relationships are not competing ideas.
Children need both certainty and connection: clear expectations, routines and boundaries alongside belonging, trust and emotionally available adults.
This means seeing behaviour as more than a set of systems and consequences. Instead, it is shaped by relationships, culture, wellbeing, identity and a sense of community. It is taught, modelled and developed over time rather than simply enforced.
Behaviour becomes something children think deeply about rather than something simply managed for them by adults
While the contexts of our schools are very different, we share a commitment to values-led, relational and inclusive approaches.
Here, Surrey Square Primary School and School 21 describe how these shared principles come to life in practice across primary and secondary phases.
Surrey Square Primary School: behaviour as belonging in action
Surrey Square Primary School serves a diverse community in South London. One of the most distinctive aspects of our approach is that we lead through values rather than rules.
Instead of long lists of “dos and don’ts”, we centre our culture around six shared values: Respect, Responsibility, Compassion, Community, Perseverance and Enjoyment.
These values are not simply displayed on walls. Alongside our “SSQ Essentials” – the shared expectations and routines that help children feel safe, successful and ready to learn – they provide a common framework for decision-making, relationships and community life.
Staff use this common language throughout the school, helping children to think deeply about their choices, their impact on others and the kind of community they want to create.
When children need support to reflect on behaviour, restorative conversations are framed through the values.
Children identify which values they were not demonstrating, how they were feeling, how others may have felt and what they could do differently moving forward.
This helps behaviour become something children think deeply about rather than something simply managed for them by adults.
We encourage staff to ask: “What is happening for this child right now?” rather than: “How do we sanction this behaviour?”
At the heart of this approach is a belief that children need to develop the ability to make thoughtful decisions independently.
Rules can prescribe behaviour in specific situations, but values provide children with principles that help guide choices across different contexts and throughout life.
We want children to develop internal responsibility rather than external compliance.
Warm relationships
Visitors often comment on the warmth of relationships across the community. Children greet adults confidently, conversations are respectful and calm, and there is a noticeable sense of connection throughout the building.
Warmth and high expectations are not seen as competing ideas. Expectations are high, routines are consistent and adults work hard to create certainty and predictability for children.
At the same time, these expectations sit alongside care, empathy and understanding.
These relationships do not happen by accident. We are intentional about helping children feel known, valued and connected to the adults around them.
Building strong relationships is viewed as a professional skill that can be developed, reflected upon and strengthened over time.
Staff training around behaviour, relationships and regulation is a continuous part of our professional development cycle.
Through coaching, supervision and reflective conversations, staff are supported to think deeply about individual children, consider what may sit behind behaviour and explore strategies that will best support them to succeed.
Teaching behaviour
Behaviour must be explicitly taught. We cannot assume that all children automatically know how to regulate emotions, resolve conflict, work collaboratively or communicate effectively.
Just as we teach reading or mathematics, we teach children how to be part of a community.
One example is our “Joy Time” curriculum, where children explicitly learn and practise social skills, teamwork, communication and emotional regulation through playful and relational activities.
Staff model language, routines and restorative approaches throughout the day, helping children rehearse social success in a supportive environment.
Our approach is strongly influenced by trauma-informed practice. Rather than seeing behaviour purely as defiance or disruption, we try to understand the experiences, emotions or unmet needs that may sit underneath it.
This does not mean lowering expectations or removing boundaries, but it does mean responding with curiosity, consistency and compassion.
We encourage staff to ask: “What is happening for this child right now?” rather than immediately moving to: “How do we sanction this behaviour?”.
Adults need support in order to support children well, and staff wellbeing is therefore an important part of our behaviour culture. Children experience adult regulation before they learn self-regulation themselves, so creating calm, reflective and supportive environments for staff matters too.
Holistic pastoral approaches
We use holistic pastoral approaches which consider attendance, wellbeing, anxiety, safeguarding, relationships and learning together rather than in isolation. Inclusion and behaviour are inseparable.
Pupil agency is an important part of behaviour culture. Children are more likely to care for communities they genuinely feel part of.
Through opportunities such as Pupil Parliament, leadership roles and changemaker projects, children are encouraged to contribute to the life of the school and see themselves as active members of the community rather than passive participants within it.
Our aim is not simply to create compliant classrooms, but safe, inclusive and joyful environments where children learn how to regulate themselves, build positive relationships and take responsibility for the community around them.
School 21: find your voice
School 21 is an all-through (4-18) school in Stratford, East London, set up in 2012 under the premise that schooling could, and should, be done differently.
From the start we have sought to empower young people. At School 21, our slogan is “Find Your Voice” and this underpins our relational approach to behaviour and culture.
Rather than relying on rigid, zero-tolerance compliance systems, we approach behaviour by building strong relationships; a strong community underpinned by a firm commitment to our values of community, openness, humanity, responsibility and excellence.
We want every child to be known, seen and heard; to thrive academically but also to develop the strong character needed to become “changemakers” in their world.
Our approach treats behaviour not as a compliance metric, but as an extension of a student’s social and emotional development, with the core philosophy of our “Head, Heart, Hand”framework (which all schools within Big Education utilise), alongside a deep commitment to equity and communication.
The ‘Heart’
Behaviour is viewed through the lens of well-being. We prioritise teaching students how to understand themselves, regulate their emotions, and develop a strong moral compass over simply following rules out of fear of punishment.
A key vehicle in which we seek to do this is through what we call “coaching”, which lets the student be where they are, and shines different “spotlights” on who they are and how they are, along with the contexts they live in.
This is to allow them a supportive space to make their own intentional decisions about their growth and change.
Disruptive behaviour is often an expression of an unmet need or an inability to articulate frustration
At School 21, each student has an assigned coach. The aim is to build a supportive relationship with the student and where possible, the family; to be the first port of call for the child and the main contact between the school and parent; to develop a deep understanding of every student and to be able to support their personal growth, achievement and well-being.
Focus on oracy
Just like reading and writing, oracy is a vital skill that helps children express themselves clearly, think critically, and understand others.
Strong oracy skills are key to children’s academic success, personal development, and future opportunities. Being able to express ideas clearly, listen actively, and engage in respectful dialogue helps children deepen their understanding across all subjects.
Disruptive behaviour is often an expression of an unmet need or an inability to articulate frustration. By giving every child the tools to express themselves, behaviour naturally improves.
This commitment to oracy requires ongoing professional development for all staff as well as intentional curriculum design that builds in meaningful oracy practices across all subjects and at all stages in our educational journey.
Restorative practices
A restorative conversation here is defined as a respectful, trust-based dialogue that promotes genuine understanding between students, staff and the wider school community.
It focuses on understanding impact, repairing harm and strengthening relationships rather than assigning blame or punishment.
Rooted in mutual respect and accountability, restorative conversations support positive behaviour, shared responsibility and collaborative ways forward, fostering a school culture built on acceptance, repair and growth.
Challenges
There can, of course, be challenges with any approach to behaviour and ours is not exempt.
This academic year, we have recognised the need to “go deeper” in relation to clarifying our definition of restorative conversations. During our term-long oracy modules, one module was looking specifically at restorative conversations.
Over the course of the term, colleagues from primary, secondary and sixth form worked collaboratively on this: exploring, drafting, trying things out in the classroom and re-drafting.
We have been on a significant improvement journey at School 21 in recent years, and one of the biggest challenges I faced upon taking up the headteacher position was improving behaviour – especially in secondary school.
The advice I was given by many school leaders was that we should employ a “zero-tolerance” approach that has been so widely embedded in many secondary schools.
To do so would have been to deviate from my own values around education and also from the values of School 21 and Big Education.
Instead, we moved slower. We engaged with staff, students and parents and found out their views.
We sought to discover what went wrong and how should we go about improving behaviour whilst staying true to our values. The work that followed may be summarised as:
- Clarification of expectations and clear communication of these
- Clarification of our values and what they mean in relation to how we “are” at school
- Consistency of application of our systems
- Training for staff
- Repeat
The impact has been significant and behaviour across all stages of the school is now markedly improved. The improvements to behaviour have not resulted in a school culture that is contrary to our principles and thus students are even better placed to find their voice and to thrive.
As with anything in school, the work is never done and we continue to iterate, improve and evolve and we do so, as always, through the lens of our values.
A version of this article first appeared in the Summer 2026 edition of Academy Trusts Today magazine, out now.
